Thursday, March 28, 2013
Stirring the Pot
There's quite a lot of controversy out there lately so of course I have put in my two cents worth too. The debate appears to be a love versus hate debate. If that's the case then why are a handful of churches opposed? God teaches love so why are we even having an argument about who can be married and who can't? God also said marriage is between a man and a woman. Why the conflicting commands? It can all get so confusing. I believe in love and I believe in God. Those are not conflicting beliefs. However, when I get confused I choose to follow God and hope He helps me figure things out along the way or I trust He will eventually let us know. There have been a handful times where this has worked really well for me and by obeying first I begin to understand. These are sacred moments to me so I'm not choosing to share them here. I also want to stay focused on my main point.
Here's my personal thoughts and opinion- Churches (in general) are not opposed because they hate (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is not opposed to civil unions). I think it comes down to this, most religions, I know mine for sure, views marriage as a covenant with God. Very much like baptism. A covenant is a two way promise. When getting married a couple makes promises to/with God and God also promises specific blessings. A covenant is a very sacred religious action with God. Does a government have the right to tell a religion who can make covenants with God? God writes the contract for a covenant. Why he says what He does is not the point of this post so I'm not going to get into that. Does a government have the right to tell religions who can get baptized? I think this might be the real "debate" for religions who are opposed to homosexual marriages; that the government does not have the right to tell a religion what it must do and believe. It might seemed far fetched to think that is what the government is doing, but for me, knowing an 11 year old Minnesota girl is now getting hate mail because she publicly said why she is thankful for both a mom and a dad; it's called bigotry instead of gratitude? Maybe it is a legitimate fear? A different perspective to think about anyway.
Because I think this is the root of the debate, here's my solution. Why not for all legal and government purposes have everyone get a civil union?- men & men, women & women, men & women. Let churches perform their covenants. Baptism isn't a legal government certificate so why not have marriage be it's own certificate too for churches and civil union be the government term and the government legal document? Couples could get legally united and then go to their chapel or temple and make that sacred covenant there. Then a religion still has the right to decide for that religion God's requirements for His covenants. Being united together is different than the covenants we make with God. I understand that might be why homosexual couples want those blessings and commitments too, but that has to be taken up with God not the government. For legal and tax purposes I'm for all couples having a civil union.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Fueling my Angry Fire
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel slightly better now. Thank you to the three of you who commented on my french post and thank you to my mom who wrote a nice long letter and thank you to Nicole for quoting me on facebook. support does cheer me up. So why am I still angry then? Oh, a couple of things.
Ana decided to stick with French and finish out the year. No problem. I'm fine with that. Ana came home today thrilled she got a 4 on her latest French test. Woohoo! What happy news! It was open note and she made sure to take awesome notes. she even had a sore hand after that. It paid off. Well, it should have paid off. The French teacher decided not to count this test. For anything. It is worth a 0. Other kids only got a 2. ON AN OPEN NOTE TEST. so she isn't going to count it this time because she knows her "A" students do typically know how to take good notes.
I have squinty eyes and steam rising from my head.
So, the other angry thing.
This one at least has produced motivation to not ever grow up to be one of "those types" of retired people. I have become slightly frustrated with some elderly people whom I am acquainted with at church. It begins with the visiting teaching message of last month. Okay, it doesn't really begin there,there's a handful of other things behind this, this is actually more the breaking point. I summarized the message to be about just being nice and doing something as simple as saying hi to the people you see at church so they feel a friendly and welcoming atmosphere. The reply I got at 2 houses: "Oh, I can't do that because..." What? Are you kidding me? You CAN'T say hi or smile? Do you realize that is what you just said? I'm really sick of this attitude of "Oh, I had my turn doing that calling" or "I don't do that". Well guess what, YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET! Even then I don't think we just sit around in Heaven. I think there is still plenty of work to be done. You can at least smile! GIVE ME A BREAK! So message to myself: 30 years from now if I start saying, "Oh, sweetheart, I can't do that" or "Oh, I did that once..." tell me, "You're not dead yet. God still has things for you to do. DO THOSE THINGS." At least smile. Really.
I feel slightly better now. Thank you to the three of you who commented on my french post and thank you to my mom who wrote a nice long letter and thank you to Nicole for quoting me on facebook. support does cheer me up. So why am I still angry then? Oh, a couple of things.
Ana decided to stick with French and finish out the year. No problem. I'm fine with that. Ana came home today thrilled she got a 4 on her latest French test. Woohoo! What happy news! It was open note and she made sure to take awesome notes. she even had a sore hand after that. It paid off. Well, it should have paid off. The French teacher decided not to count this test. For anything. It is worth a 0. Other kids only got a 2. ON AN OPEN NOTE TEST. so she isn't going to count it this time because she knows her "A" students do typically know how to take good notes.
I have squinty eyes and steam rising from my head.
So, the other angry thing.
This one at least has produced motivation to not ever grow up to be one of "those types" of retired people. I have become slightly frustrated with some elderly people whom I am acquainted with at church. It begins with the visiting teaching message of last month. Okay, it doesn't really begin there,there's a handful of other things behind this, this is actually more the breaking point. I summarized the message to be about just being nice and doing something as simple as saying hi to the people you see at church so they feel a friendly and welcoming atmosphere. The reply I got at 2 houses: "Oh, I can't do that because..." What? Are you kidding me? You CAN'T say hi or smile? Do you realize that is what you just said? I'm really sick of this attitude of "Oh, I had my turn doing that calling" or "I don't do that". Well guess what, YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET! Even then I don't think we just sit around in Heaven. I think there is still plenty of work to be done. You can at least smile! GIVE ME A BREAK! So message to myself: 30 years from now if I start saying, "Oh, sweetheart, I can't do that" or "Oh, I did that once..." tell me, "You're not dead yet. God still has things for you to do. DO THOSE THINGS." At least smile. Really.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
For my mom who reads my blog, but is not on Facebook
Hi Mom, here's a few things you missed that I posted on Facebook. I think they are all from February except the first one. There were also a few links to videos, articles, and funny pictures, but those were harder to copy and I'm feeling kind of lazy:
Today's (3/4/13) dinner conversation:
H: there are some famous leprechauns, you know.....in the Leprechaun world.
Me: oh, like Roy G Biv :-)
H: Roy G Biv isn't real
Me: leprechauns aren't actually real either
H: gives me the evil eye. Yes, they are. They drive motorcycles, and have little houses on wheels, and they ride around in them.
H: there are some famous leprechauns, you know.....in the Leprechaun world.
Me: oh, like Roy G Biv :-)
H: Roy G Biv isn't real
Me: leprechauns aren't actually real either
H: gives me the evil eye. Yes, they are. They drive motorcycles, and have little houses on wheels, and they ride around in them.
*(2/18/13) Dinner
conversation starters: (well, or enders): "I don't like bets where
people say things like, 'I'll be your best friend' or I'm gonna be your
friend.' I just really, blah, don't like it. I like bets where someone
says,'I'll give you all my money' those are the kind of bets I
like."--Henry age 6
I think he might have meant deals instead of bets, but I'm not sure &
too bad all those kids that say they'll give you ALL their money never
pay up.
*Ana's story of yesterday (2/7??13) that I thought was funny:
We had black ice everywhere. Ana walked very slowly to get to the car of her friends driving to seminary and all though it was in park it was slowly slipping away down the driveway with every step closer.
More of that subtle humor i find SO funny.
We had black ice everywhere. Ana walked very slowly to get to the car of her friends driving to seminary and all though it was in park it was slowly slipping away down the driveway with every step closer.
More of that subtle humor i find SO funny.
*And a highlight from yesterday(2/7?/13):
Isaac shared one of his "school stories"- he so often has the best ones, Ana and William have had a few good ones too, but Isaac has the most:
"So, today we were dividing into groups in English of who is for the death penalty and who isn't and who is in between." "Where were you?" "In between." "How did you decide to be in between?" "Well, it was based on severe extremes of never no matter what or always no matter what." "were there actually any students who picked always no matter what?" "Oh, yeah, like 5" "Really?" "Yeah, the teacher even said, 'What if your mom was driving the car and it was really icy and she slid and caused a car accident and the other people involved died. Do you think your mom should get the death penalty?' and she said Yes! I thought, wow, that girl has some mother issues, she must watch too many Disney movies"
Isaac shared one of his "school stories"- he so often has the best ones, Ana and William have had a few good ones too, but Isaac has the most:
"So, today we were dividing into groups in English of who is for the death penalty and who isn't and who is in between." "Where were you?" "In between." "How did you decide to be in between?" "Well, it was based on severe extremes of never no matter what or always no matter what." "were there actually any students who picked always no matter what?" "Oh, yeah, like 5" "Really?" "Yeah, the teacher even said, 'What if your mom was driving the car and it was really icy and she slid and caused a car accident and the other people involved died. Do you think your mom should get the death penalty?' and she said Yes! I thought, wow, that girl has some mother issues, she must watch too many Disney movies"
*More fun from junior high:
so, Isaac has a friend he's known since oh, second grade, who's parents are from Pakistan, but he's grown up here his whole life so pretty much Minnesotan. Sometimes when they have a substitute teacher this person decides to put on a very fake Pakistani accent. Students giggle. The sub says, "what are you laughing at?" Students respond, "his accent!" Sub responds, "That is so mean! I can't believe this! I'm disgusted! Go to the office right now." Now picture an entire class of 13 year olds trying NOT to laugh.
so, Isaac has a friend he's known since oh, second grade, who's parents are from Pakistan, but he's grown up here his whole life so pretty much Minnesotan. Sometimes when they have a substitute teacher this person decides to put on a very fake Pakistani accent. Students giggle. The sub says, "what are you laughing at?" Students respond, "his accent!" Sub responds, "That is so mean! I can't believe this! I'm disgusted! Go to the office right now." Now picture an entire class of 13 year olds trying NOT to laugh.
*Isaac Holcomb
got a 100 on his pacer test in gym yesterday! He told me the record
for the jr high is 104- he's hoping to beat it by the end of the tri.
Way to go Isaac!
Ok-
I'll see if I can explain the test- I THINK what they do is run from
one side of the gym to the other and there is a buzzer that beeps after a
certain amount of time and beeps sooner after each "lap". If you don't
make it to the other side before the buzzer you are done. So Isaac was
able to do that 100 times.
Today's update (3/1/13): yesterday he took the test and got 114 (record for the day- he doesn't know the record for the school)
*A post I saw on facebook today in a round
about way got me thinking about what Heaven will be like. Some of you
might enjoy this thought. I like to imagine when I get there (far in
the future) God will say, "Michele! Oh, I have something I've been
saving just for you, I know you will appreciate this" and he will lead
me to somewhere with nice architecture and perfect craftsmanship and
pull an old perfect hand made pitcher or
a pull an old book or something off the shelf and blow the dust off and
gently hand it to me (for some of you maybe it's a motorcycle). And
I'll carefully take it admiring it and say, "this is beautiful. Really?
for me?" and I will hold it close and He'll say "I knew you'd like it"
with one of those smiles that you get when you share something you have
with friends (or your kids) who you know are going to love it as much as
you do.
And last and best. You'll love this mom. I hope it works. If not ask Melissa or Emily to show you the ball pit video.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Je n'aime pas francais
mais oui. c'est vrai.
Well, maybe not 100%. There is something incredibly visually pleasing to me about French.
Alas, this year French has brought us much despair. (Ok, maybe despair is little exaggeration.) Our house has been all consumed with disastrous French experiences. Maybe if I blog it, it will be therapeutic for me. Then maybe I will be able to let it go and find the blessings in this experience. Or maybe someone else will some how benefit from it?
Since the beginning of the school year when discussing Ana's French grade with her she has said, "I don't know, I think the teacher just doesn't like me." le sigh. Of course as parents we are a little skeptical of that theory. Even if that were to be true, you must be able to do something to bring up a *cough* D+*cough*; go in and see the teacher after school or before school for help, study better, etc. We even tried contacting the teacher to ask what specifically our daughter seems to be struggling with the most and how we can help her. "Oh, the district has started a new curriculum and we are using new books that start later than where the students left off so there is some catching up to do and all the kids are struggling and I'm sure she'll pull that grade right back up to an A, the dear" and "Practice, practice, practice." Hmm. Well, things did not seem to improve and she never would tell us specifics of what to study and Ana would try to go in and ask the teacher for help without getting any help so we made a visit to the counselor to find out what our options might be (no other teachers for French so just switching teachers is not an option)- drop French and take German online (which HELLO! would have been so nice to know that is an option in JR HIGH when the kids sign up for a language, but NO, you have to know to ask for that)? Ana wasn't too keen on that because it would take up too much time- she'd have to start over to get her language credit since colleges and universities want 2 years of 1 foreign language. Ana opted to just stick with it and work with a peer tutor and try to pull up her grade. (this meeting was before Christmas).
After winter break, Ana swallows her pride and meets with the peer tutor. Who by the way tells her "Oh, you must have gotten on her bad list. Lucky for me she likes me, I have no idea what I did, but she liked me so I did well in her class." Ana feels better with a little bit of help, but her grade is still not improving. As always she continues to go in early or stay after and ask her teacher for help; she continues to ask her friends to quiz her after early morning seminary and before school, at lunch, and on the bus ride home. They have a group project that she does with an A student who gets "stage fright" and refuses to say her lines for the skit and Ana has to wing it on her own doing both parts while her friend just stands there- still gets a bad grade for that and the A student gets the teachers sympathy. Ana comes home one day saying, "She rearranged the class. She put all of the A students together and all of us who are failing on the other side of the room together." "Are you sure? That just seems a little weird." "I'm pretty sure. I can't believe it! Now I have to be partners every day when we do our 'partner work' with someone and neither one of us has any idea what we are doing!" "So, what are you going to do about it?" "I think I'm going to ask if she'll let me move to other side of the room and sit by (friend) who doesn't have a partner and she's getting a B so maybe she can at least help me out a little." "Sounds like a good idea. I hope she lets you switch seats."
A few days later Ana comes home and tells me her teacher has switched things up so all quizzes that are not a "4" will be counted as a 0. Not only that but when she lets you talk to her about the score and what you missed she asks you to explain what you got wrong and some students that missed the same ones as Ana and explained the same thing Ana did, she says, "Looks like you understand it I'll give you a 4" to Ana she says, "looks like you understand it come in and retake it tomorrow." Ana's belief that her teacher just doesn't like her seems to be continually validated to Ana. For those of you not familiar with our school districts new grading system I'll fill you in. They no longer give letter grades or grade point averages on tests, but on the report card it is recorded as a letter grade and GPA because that is what post secondary education looks at. The grading is supposed to be 4=exceeds the standards 3=meets the standards 2=needs improvement 1=does not meet the standards 0=does absolutely nothing?
The district also does "summative" and "formative?" All homework and assignments (formative) don't count for much. Tests, summative, are the grade. The district wants the test score to be the grade so it shows a "fair" assessment of the students knowledge and abilities, or what the student actually KNOWS and so the grading across the district is equal (rather than some teachers always giving extra credit and some teachers not and all teachers doing there own thing and one B in one math class might equal an A in another). There is no extra credit allowed. All tests with a score of 2 or lower are required to be allowed to be retaken, but there's been some miscommunication on that one because a number of teachers have their own policies. It's all fine and good as a theory, but in my opinion it doesn't solve the concern, doesn't reward hard work, and is a terrible policy and I hate it. There are numerous flaws that I won't go into on this blog post. One being that some teachers (not all- the tests aren't equal across the school district) like to have 4 question summative tests and then if you miss one, well welcome to 75% and a C grade. Oh, it's a 3 in the classroom, but it still has to be calculated to percentages and grades for the report cards. So, to summarize, for Ana's French class if you are not exceeding the standards you are doing nothing. I think she was doing that for quizzes to prepare for the summative tests, because if you get 4s then you should do well on the test, again nice "theory"...
Along comes January 22, parent teacher conference for Trimester 2, and her grade is still a D+. Here's how it goes:
Me: Hi, I'm Michele Holcomb, Ana's mom, it's nice to meet you (and we shake hands)
Mme: *sigh* Ana. She just wants wants wants.
Me: (WTF!? I know my kids have their problems, but seriously? "Wanting" just isn't one of them. For any of my kids. and what is that even supposed to mean and who opens a conversation like that? And yeah, I did just totally swear.. in my head)
Excuse me? I don't understand what you mean by that.
Mme: eye roll and sigh and disgusted tone of voice. Well. She asked to be moved; to the BACK of the room! claiming these other students could help her out. AND I almost had to take her phone away from her the other day. And she comes to class not ready to learn and really if she WANTS to be an A student she needs to ACT like an A student.
Me: Are my eyes bulging and my jaw on the floor??? Is steam rising from my head? Who talks about my kid like that? Who talks about any student that way? I will not climb across the desk and punch her
I am going to strongly disagree with you there. None of those things sound like Ana. Plus, she is getting A's in all of her other classes including HP math and HP science (actually probably most are B's but I'm sticking with saying A's) so I don't think it's a problem of not "knowing how to be an 'A' student."
Mme: In a completely stunned and bewildered voice Really? She is? Really? and gets up to look at her computer
Me: Yes. She is. She had to take her phone away from Ana? What is that even all about? Ana doesn't use her phone-she's super paranoid about it getting taken away- only two possible answers for that, 1- she has, understandably, "checked out" of this class and given up all hope, or 2- texted me to tell me she is staying after to retake yet again another quiz in this class-which once I did get a text from her during the day that she was staying after, was it for this class or not? I can't remember; wait she said "almost" and "once" I'm not worrying about it this teacher is looking for stuff to make Ana look bad. Thank goodness Ana already told me about the seat arranging thing.
Mme: Really? Hm. Well. She did asked to be seated by some friends, a boy who she thinks is helping her and another girl who she said could help her but I really don't think they are.
Me: Which friends?
Mme: Well, this boy (who will remain nameless), and this girl (who will also remain nameless)
Me: I don't think I know (boy), but I do know (girl) who was in her French class last year and she actually did help Ana out a bit last year in French. I asked Ana about this when I got home and she said, "What?! She told you I asked to sit by (boy)? I can't believe she would say that! I can't stand him! He's the kid I told you about that is SO annoying and failing too! She told me I couldn't sit next to (girl) and I had to stay with (boy) as my partner! She said if I wanted to move we had to move as partners! Which is dumb because (girl) doesn't even have a partner! But I decided to move to the A side of the classroom anyway. UGH I can't believe she said that!" tears welled.
Mme: shoulder shrug and eye roll And then there's her scores on the quizzes!
Me: Yes. About those. Ana told me you have changed the quizzes so students are getting 0's if they aren't getting 4s. Do you think you could change that so you are at least letting the students know what score they actually got so they can see what they need to work on...
Mme: Yes, but the idea is that by retaking the quizzes until they have a 4 they are sure they know the material for the summative test
Me: I understand the idea behind this. However, it is obvious Ana is struggling in this class, and by seeing a zero on every quiz all the time she has no idea how she is actually doing and is giving up hope for improving. By at least letting the students know what the score is they can see if they are at least making an improvement say from a 1 to 2 or 3.
Mme: The students can come in and retake the quizzes as much as they want. She should be grateful for that. Before the new grading policies she wouldn't have even had that as an option. The students are welcome to come in anytime to ask me about the quizzes and get help before or after school and I haven't seen Ana come in for quite some time. And I know she's been to see her counselor... (that last part was said in a little bit of a rude way; well, actaully everything she has said was said in a bit of a rude way)
Me: Really. That's interesting because I know she comes in early quite a bit.
Mme: Well, maybe I just haven't seen her this week...
Me: Ah ha It's a Tuesday (there's only been a Monday and Tuesday this week) for cryin' out loud Yes, well, clearly Ana is not doing well in this class. What do you propose we do about it? How can WE (meaning you the teacher and me the parent) help her to do better? the statement and questions I think any good teacher would have started off with
Mme: She says she's just not good at French (like Ana's just making excuses to not try)
Me: Well, with a D there may be some truth to that. This clearly isn't her strength. What areas with learning French does she seem to be struggling with the most? Have you noticed any patterns or particular areas that seem to be harder for her than others?
Mme: She needs to practice. Learning a language involves practice, practice, practice. Anyone can learn a language. It's not impossible.
Me: Can I kick you in the face? My patience is growing thin and it is clear I am not going to get anywhere with this teacher. Deep breath. I agree that it isn't impossible, but it might be helpful to know some ways we can help her practice and focus her studies. Do you have any suggestions?
Mme: Well, she can go on the website I've told the students about and the website has quizzes that get harder as the students answer the questions correctly so the website is a very helpful tool. Reading books in French is also very helpful for building a vocabulary.
Me: okay, so what is the website? Will you please write it down for me? Thank you.
And I left screaming on the inside- WOW! Is this woman for real?! If my daughter was getting a B or an A- and wanted to improve her grade, then yeah, reading books in French might help her build her vocabulary, but if she is getting a D, clearly there is a breakdown SOMEWHERE that needs attention. Ana said her teacher doesn't like her and she's right!
Brian decided it would be good to try and email her with some questions and very specific requests and get her responses in writing. I was reluctant, but turns out he was right because when I called the counselor to inform him of my lovely conversation he had the same thoughts as Brian and I could say done that and we will blind copy or forward those to you.
(The counselor said letting him know the conversation above was very helpful, but he was also very PC and professional about it.)
Rather than paste all those here I'll summarize. She would not answer our questions, suddenly changed a test Ana was going to retake to not being retake-able, and took a few things out of context to make Ana look bad to us. Her parents. Basically telling a parent you think his/her child is a lazy idiot is not going to convince the parent nor help the parents have any respect left for you as the teacher. Luckily Ana has been very open about telling us the conversations she has had with her teacher so that we know right away what the teacher is talking about and what she is taking out of context.
Meanwhile, Ana goes in to retake a TEST, and fix a quiz that her teacher says she can just come in and add the e at the end of the words she needs to since that was all she missed. Her teacher says, "here's your quizzes." "Oh, I took this one already and you said I could just add the e" "Oh, I corrected that one and wrote all of your mistakes in red so you'll just have to redo the whole test" Ana slightly panics because she did not study for that quiz and spent more time studying for the TEST which she asks for again, and is told, "Here's your quizzes"
A few days later, another test is coming up. Ana says, I know we have a test coming up, can you give me any advice on what to study?" "It's an oral test" "yes, and I'm wondering what kind of questions you might ask so I know what to study" "Oral ones"
WTF again! Can a teacher be any more UNhelpful?
Perhaps. here's how the test went:
Teacher to Ana's friend in class: (in French of course, but I don't speak French so you get the English translation) What did you drink for breakfast?
friend: I like French Fries
teacher: Well, I think you actually know what I meant you're just trying to be clever with me. You get a 4.
Teacher to Ana: What did you have to drink for breakfast?
Ana: I had eggs for breakfast (not catching the drink part)
Ana's teacher: You get a 1.
Is this summative oral exam retake-able? No, of course not.
So, while we are thinking about all of our possible options in front of us and Ana is visiting with her counselor to tell her side of the story, I decide to post on Facebook, "Does anyone speak French?" And in all of this misery we have a saving grace. It just so happens that a young lady who Brian taught in Seminary when he was a seminary teacher, who loved and adored Ana and who Ana loved and admired, just so happens to be a French teacher. A French teacher who uses the same book. And a French teacher who uses the same book and who will skype with Ana (has a few times now), and who will be honest and helpful and motivating all at the same time. She has helped Ana's confidence quite a bit. Just knowing that the assignments Ana's teacher has been giving out are in fact not in the book and are French 3 and 4 instead of French 2 is a relief. Cassi Heyn (I forgot her new last name since she's married now), just in case any of you know her and want to tell her how awesome she is for helping Ana.
A glimmer of God's love. Seeing that what goes around comes around. I'm learning the more we share our struggles, the more God is actually able to help us through others. There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed or worried about. There are others who can help in some way if we are humble enough to accept it. This really is a blessing.
And while it seems so unjust and unfair that a child can be suffering and getting no help and swallowing pride to ask for help from others and carrying on when there is no hope and still seeing no reward for the effort (she still got a 0 on her last test- but I'll get to that) because of a stupid grading system that allows no reward for work ethic; there are blessings to. Things we can learn. Like just letting go and trusting God.
We will get through this and with a good outcome. I'm sure of it. Although we are not through it yet. We still need to meet with Ana's counselor... I heard from a reliable but secret source that I cannot disclose or will need to be put to death, that the teacher will not be there next year...Ana's thinking she will drop French next trimester and just retake the whole year next year. We need to discuss it further though; and maybe ask about summer school? and since she still got a 0 on her last test we need to talk about other things too.
After this latest test was a 0 Brian emailed the teacher and got an unhelpful response about Ana not signing up to make an appointment to discuss it with her and then later a slightly more helpful response of what Ana missed on the test, and a few back and forths about when Ana would be talking to the teacher because Brian wanted to be there (I said I wouldn't for fear my mother bear instincts would come out in full force). Of course it went well and she was very helpful to Brian and Ana and let Ana talk through the test with her. Which ultimately is a good thing, but very irritating at the same time that Brian has to be present to make sure that what should happen without him there actually happens. So, now that Brian has actually seen Ana's test, knows she actually did miss all of the problems on the test, we have an issue to deal with that I've wondered about that now is just too obvious to ignore, but everyone wants to ignore because she is still managing to have good grades. The issue of she studied this with many people who all told her she did fantastic and was ready; all these people study with her and quiz her oral/verbally. Brian just witnessed her tell her teacher verbally the whole test and she knew the material. She retakes almost all of her tests in all of her classes. She has said many times for many years that she hates taking tests, especially time tests, and she gets really nervous, now that she is older, she herself says, "I just feel like I have a lot of testing anxiety-- you can just feel the anxiety in the room when you walk in" Let's also pay attention that on the practice ACT the students take she got almost all of the questions she answered correct, but she didn't answer almost half of them because she ran out of time. When she isn't doing well in a class her teachers label her as lazy or not applying herself. This is a classic case. a classic fixable case. Yet she is managing; she will be fine in the adult world. I don't doubt that. It's getting through school that I'm concerned about. And there are things that can be done about it. Non medicating things even. Yet, here it is, a classic case of the system failing the student. She isn't bad off enough to qualify for help or testing, but the kids who are, let's be honest, are beyond the help just a school can give. She seems to have a good counselor though so I'm hoping we can get in with him and figure something out (I have a feeling he might be involved in the high school hockey team issue though since I haven't heard back form him right away like I usually do...but that's another blog for another day..). Maybe her counselor can at least let us know what some options are and point us in a direction. Then once we choose a path we can take it and feel like we can carry forward and stop obsessing about french.
I feel kind of stuck. Standing in one spot. Just frozen. I have a feeling soon we will be able to take one step. Then another. Then we'll just keep going for a bit. Until life throws something else in the way. ;-)
Okay, maybe those last bits just sound depressing, but we're not depressed and we know this is just a small problem in the realm of problems, so maybe I should delete those last lines. maybe someone likes them???
Well, maybe not 100%. There is something incredibly visually pleasing to me about French.
Alas, this year French has brought us much despair. (Ok, maybe despair is little exaggeration.) Our house has been all consumed with disastrous French experiences. Maybe if I blog it, it will be therapeutic for me. Then maybe I will be able to let it go and find the blessings in this experience. Or maybe someone else will some how benefit from it?
Since the beginning of the school year when discussing Ana's French grade with her she has said, "I don't know, I think the teacher just doesn't like me." le sigh. Of course as parents we are a little skeptical of that theory. Even if that were to be true, you must be able to do something to bring up a *cough* D+*cough*; go in and see the teacher after school or before school for help, study better, etc. We even tried contacting the teacher to ask what specifically our daughter seems to be struggling with the most and how we can help her. "Oh, the district has started a new curriculum and we are using new books that start later than where the students left off so there is some catching up to do and all the kids are struggling and I'm sure she'll pull that grade right back up to an A, the dear" and "Practice, practice, practice." Hmm. Well, things did not seem to improve and she never would tell us specifics of what to study and Ana would try to go in and ask the teacher for help without getting any help so we made a visit to the counselor to find out what our options might be (no other teachers for French so just switching teachers is not an option)- drop French and take German online (which HELLO! would have been so nice to know that is an option in JR HIGH when the kids sign up for a language, but NO, you have to know to ask for that)? Ana wasn't too keen on that because it would take up too much time- she'd have to start over to get her language credit since colleges and universities want 2 years of 1 foreign language. Ana opted to just stick with it and work with a peer tutor and try to pull up her grade. (this meeting was before Christmas).
After winter break, Ana swallows her pride and meets with the peer tutor. Who by the way tells her "Oh, you must have gotten on her bad list. Lucky for me she likes me, I have no idea what I did, but she liked me so I did well in her class." Ana feels better with a little bit of help, but her grade is still not improving. As always she continues to go in early or stay after and ask her teacher for help; she continues to ask her friends to quiz her after early morning seminary and before school, at lunch, and on the bus ride home. They have a group project that she does with an A student who gets "stage fright" and refuses to say her lines for the skit and Ana has to wing it on her own doing both parts while her friend just stands there- still gets a bad grade for that and the A student gets the teachers sympathy. Ana comes home one day saying, "She rearranged the class. She put all of the A students together and all of us who are failing on the other side of the room together." "Are you sure? That just seems a little weird." "I'm pretty sure. I can't believe it! Now I have to be partners every day when we do our 'partner work' with someone and neither one of us has any idea what we are doing!" "So, what are you going to do about it?" "I think I'm going to ask if she'll let me move to other side of the room and sit by (friend) who doesn't have a partner and she's getting a B so maybe she can at least help me out a little." "Sounds like a good idea. I hope she lets you switch seats."
A few days later Ana comes home and tells me her teacher has switched things up so all quizzes that are not a "4" will be counted as a 0. Not only that but when she lets you talk to her about the score and what you missed she asks you to explain what you got wrong and some students that missed the same ones as Ana and explained the same thing Ana did, she says, "Looks like you understand it I'll give you a 4" to Ana she says, "looks like you understand it come in and retake it tomorrow." Ana's belief that her teacher just doesn't like her seems to be continually validated to Ana. For those of you not familiar with our school districts new grading system I'll fill you in. They no longer give letter grades or grade point averages on tests, but on the report card it is recorded as a letter grade and GPA because that is what post secondary education looks at. The grading is supposed to be 4=exceeds the standards 3=meets the standards 2=needs improvement 1=does not meet the standards 0=does absolutely nothing?
The district also does "summative" and "formative?" All homework and assignments (formative) don't count for much. Tests, summative, are the grade. The district wants the test score to be the grade so it shows a "fair" assessment of the students knowledge and abilities, or what the student actually KNOWS and so the grading across the district is equal (rather than some teachers always giving extra credit and some teachers not and all teachers doing there own thing and one B in one math class might equal an A in another). There is no extra credit allowed. All tests with a score of 2 or lower are required to be allowed to be retaken, but there's been some miscommunication on that one because a number of teachers have their own policies. It's all fine and good as a theory, but in my opinion it doesn't solve the concern, doesn't reward hard work, and is a terrible policy and I hate it. There are numerous flaws that I won't go into on this blog post. One being that some teachers (not all- the tests aren't equal across the school district) like to have 4 question summative tests and then if you miss one, well welcome to 75% and a C grade. Oh, it's a 3 in the classroom, but it still has to be calculated to percentages and grades for the report cards. So, to summarize, for Ana's French class if you are not exceeding the standards you are doing nothing. I think she was doing that for quizzes to prepare for the summative tests, because if you get 4s then you should do well on the test, again nice "theory"...
Along comes January 22, parent teacher conference for Trimester 2, and her grade is still a D+. Here's how it goes:
Me: Hi, I'm Michele Holcomb, Ana's mom, it's nice to meet you (and we shake hands)
Mme: *sigh* Ana. She just wants wants wants.
Me: (WTF!? I know my kids have their problems, but seriously? "Wanting" just isn't one of them. For any of my kids. and what is that even supposed to mean and who opens a conversation like that? And yeah, I did just totally swear.. in my head)
Excuse me? I don't understand what you mean by that.
Mme: eye roll and sigh and disgusted tone of voice. Well. She asked to be moved; to the BACK of the room! claiming these other students could help her out. AND I almost had to take her phone away from her the other day. And she comes to class not ready to learn and really if she WANTS to be an A student she needs to ACT like an A student.
Me: Are my eyes bulging and my jaw on the floor??? Is steam rising from my head? Who talks about my kid like that? Who talks about any student that way? I will not climb across the desk and punch her
I am going to strongly disagree with you there. None of those things sound like Ana. Plus, she is getting A's in all of her other classes including HP math and HP science (actually probably most are B's but I'm sticking with saying A's) so I don't think it's a problem of not "knowing how to be an 'A' student."
Mme: In a completely stunned and bewildered voice Really? She is? Really? and gets up to look at her computer
Me: Yes. She is. She had to take her phone away from Ana? What is that even all about? Ana doesn't use her phone-she's super paranoid about it getting taken away- only two possible answers for that, 1- she has, understandably, "checked out" of this class and given up all hope, or 2- texted me to tell me she is staying after to retake yet again another quiz in this class-which once I did get a text from her during the day that she was staying after, was it for this class or not? I can't remember; wait she said "almost" and "once" I'm not worrying about it this teacher is looking for stuff to make Ana look bad. Thank goodness Ana already told me about the seat arranging thing.
Mme: Really? Hm. Well. She did asked to be seated by some friends, a boy who she thinks is helping her and another girl who she said could help her but I really don't think they are.
Me: Which friends?
Mme: Well, this boy (who will remain nameless), and this girl (who will also remain nameless)
Me: I don't think I know (boy), but I do know (girl) who was in her French class last year and she actually did help Ana out a bit last year in French. I asked Ana about this when I got home and she said, "What?! She told you I asked to sit by (boy)? I can't believe she would say that! I can't stand him! He's the kid I told you about that is SO annoying and failing too! She told me I couldn't sit next to (girl) and I had to stay with (boy) as my partner! She said if I wanted to move we had to move as partners! Which is dumb because (girl) doesn't even have a partner! But I decided to move to the A side of the classroom anyway. UGH I can't believe she said that!" tears welled.
Mme: shoulder shrug and eye roll And then there's her scores on the quizzes!
Me: Yes. About those. Ana told me you have changed the quizzes so students are getting 0's if they aren't getting 4s. Do you think you could change that so you are at least letting the students know what score they actually got so they can see what they need to work on...
Mme: Yes, but the idea is that by retaking the quizzes until they have a 4 they are sure they know the material for the summative test
Me: I understand the idea behind this. However, it is obvious Ana is struggling in this class, and by seeing a zero on every quiz all the time she has no idea how she is actually doing and is giving up hope for improving. By at least letting the students know what the score is they can see if they are at least making an improvement say from a 1 to 2 or 3.
Mme: The students can come in and retake the quizzes as much as they want. She should be grateful for that. Before the new grading policies she wouldn't have even had that as an option. The students are welcome to come in anytime to ask me about the quizzes and get help before or after school and I haven't seen Ana come in for quite some time. And I know she's been to see her counselor... (that last part was said in a little bit of a rude way; well, actaully everything she has said was said in a bit of a rude way)
Me: Really. That's interesting because I know she comes in early quite a bit.
Mme: Well, maybe I just haven't seen her this week...
Me: Ah ha It's a Tuesday (there's only been a Monday and Tuesday this week) for cryin' out loud Yes, well, clearly Ana is not doing well in this class. What do you propose we do about it? How can WE (meaning you the teacher and me the parent) help her to do better? the statement and questions I think any good teacher would have started off with
Mme: She says she's just not good at French (like Ana's just making excuses to not try)
Me: Well, with a D there may be some truth to that. This clearly isn't her strength. What areas with learning French does she seem to be struggling with the most? Have you noticed any patterns or particular areas that seem to be harder for her than others?
Mme: She needs to practice. Learning a language involves practice, practice, practice. Anyone can learn a language. It's not impossible.
Me: Can I kick you in the face? My patience is growing thin and it is clear I am not going to get anywhere with this teacher. Deep breath. I agree that it isn't impossible, but it might be helpful to know some ways we can help her practice and focus her studies. Do you have any suggestions?
Mme: Well, she can go on the website I've told the students about and the website has quizzes that get harder as the students answer the questions correctly so the website is a very helpful tool. Reading books in French is also very helpful for building a vocabulary.
Me: okay, so what is the website? Will you please write it down for me? Thank you.
And I left screaming on the inside- WOW! Is this woman for real?! If my daughter was getting a B or an A- and wanted to improve her grade, then yeah, reading books in French might help her build her vocabulary, but if she is getting a D, clearly there is a breakdown SOMEWHERE that needs attention. Ana said her teacher doesn't like her and she's right!
Brian decided it would be good to try and email her with some questions and very specific requests and get her responses in writing. I was reluctant, but turns out he was right because when I called the counselor to inform him of my lovely conversation he had the same thoughts as Brian and I could say done that and we will blind copy or forward those to you.
(The counselor said letting him know the conversation above was very helpful, but he was also very PC and professional about it.)
Rather than paste all those here I'll summarize. She would not answer our questions, suddenly changed a test Ana was going to retake to not being retake-able, and took a few things out of context to make Ana look bad to us. Her parents. Basically telling a parent you think his/her child is a lazy idiot is not going to convince the parent nor help the parents have any respect left for you as the teacher. Luckily Ana has been very open about telling us the conversations she has had with her teacher so that we know right away what the teacher is talking about and what she is taking out of context.
Meanwhile, Ana goes in to retake a TEST, and fix a quiz that her teacher says she can just come in and add the e at the end of the words she needs to since that was all she missed. Her teacher says, "here's your quizzes." "Oh, I took this one already and you said I could just add the e" "Oh, I corrected that one and wrote all of your mistakes in red so you'll just have to redo the whole test" Ana slightly panics because she did not study for that quiz and spent more time studying for the TEST which she asks for again, and is told, "Here's your quizzes"
A few days later, another test is coming up. Ana says, I know we have a test coming up, can you give me any advice on what to study?" "It's an oral test" "yes, and I'm wondering what kind of questions you might ask so I know what to study" "Oral ones"
WTF again! Can a teacher be any more UNhelpful?
Perhaps. here's how the test went:
Teacher to Ana's friend in class: (in French of course, but I don't speak French so you get the English translation) What did you drink for breakfast?
friend: I like French Fries
teacher: Well, I think you actually know what I meant you're just trying to be clever with me. You get a 4.
Teacher to Ana: What did you have to drink for breakfast?
Ana: I had eggs for breakfast (not catching the drink part)
Ana's teacher: You get a 1.
Is this summative oral exam retake-able? No, of course not.
So, while we are thinking about all of our possible options in front of us and Ana is visiting with her counselor to tell her side of the story, I decide to post on Facebook, "Does anyone speak French?" And in all of this misery we have a saving grace. It just so happens that a young lady who Brian taught in Seminary when he was a seminary teacher, who loved and adored Ana and who Ana loved and admired, just so happens to be a French teacher. A French teacher who uses the same book. And a French teacher who uses the same book and who will skype with Ana (has a few times now), and who will be honest and helpful and motivating all at the same time. She has helped Ana's confidence quite a bit. Just knowing that the assignments Ana's teacher has been giving out are in fact not in the book and are French 3 and 4 instead of French 2 is a relief. Cassi Heyn (I forgot her new last name since she's married now), just in case any of you know her and want to tell her how awesome she is for helping Ana.
A glimmer of God's love. Seeing that what goes around comes around. I'm learning the more we share our struggles, the more God is actually able to help us through others. There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed or worried about. There are others who can help in some way if we are humble enough to accept it. This really is a blessing.
And while it seems so unjust and unfair that a child can be suffering and getting no help and swallowing pride to ask for help from others and carrying on when there is no hope and still seeing no reward for the effort (she still got a 0 on her last test- but I'll get to that) because of a stupid grading system that allows no reward for work ethic; there are blessings to. Things we can learn. Like just letting go and trusting God.
We will get through this and with a good outcome. I'm sure of it. Although we are not through it yet. We still need to meet with Ana's counselor... I heard from a reliable but secret source that I cannot disclose or will need to be put to death, that the teacher will not be there next year...Ana's thinking she will drop French next trimester and just retake the whole year next year. We need to discuss it further though; and maybe ask about summer school? and since she still got a 0 on her last test we need to talk about other things too.
After this latest test was a 0 Brian emailed the teacher and got an unhelpful response about Ana not signing up to make an appointment to discuss it with her and then later a slightly more helpful response of what Ana missed on the test, and a few back and forths about when Ana would be talking to the teacher because Brian wanted to be there (I said I wouldn't for fear my mother bear instincts would come out in full force). Of course it went well and she was very helpful to Brian and Ana and let Ana talk through the test with her. Which ultimately is a good thing, but very irritating at the same time that Brian has to be present to make sure that what should happen without him there actually happens. So, now that Brian has actually seen Ana's test, knows she actually did miss all of the problems on the test, we have an issue to deal with that I've wondered about that now is just too obvious to ignore, but everyone wants to ignore because she is still managing to have good grades. The issue of she studied this with many people who all told her she did fantastic and was ready; all these people study with her and quiz her oral/verbally. Brian just witnessed her tell her teacher verbally the whole test and she knew the material. She retakes almost all of her tests in all of her classes. She has said many times for many years that she hates taking tests, especially time tests, and she gets really nervous, now that she is older, she herself says, "I just feel like I have a lot of testing anxiety-- you can just feel the anxiety in the room when you walk in" Let's also pay attention that on the practice ACT the students take she got almost all of the questions she answered correct, but she didn't answer almost half of them because she ran out of time. When she isn't doing well in a class her teachers label her as lazy or not applying herself. This is a classic case. a classic fixable case. Yet she is managing; she will be fine in the adult world. I don't doubt that. It's getting through school that I'm concerned about. And there are things that can be done about it. Non medicating things even. Yet, here it is, a classic case of the system failing the student. She isn't bad off enough to qualify for help or testing, but the kids who are, let's be honest, are beyond the help just a school can give. She seems to have a good counselor though so I'm hoping we can get in with him and figure something out (I have a feeling he might be involved in the high school hockey team issue though since I haven't heard back form him right away like I usually do...but that's another blog for another day..). Maybe her counselor can at least let us know what some options are and point us in a direction. Then once we choose a path we can take it and feel like we can carry forward and stop obsessing about french.
I feel kind of stuck. Standing in one spot. Just frozen. I have a feeling soon we will be able to take one step. Then another. Then we'll just keep going for a bit. Until life throws something else in the way. ;-)
we can't go over it. we can't go under it. [we definitely can't turn around.] i guess we'll just go through it
Okay, maybe those last bits just sound depressing, but we're not depressed and we know this is just a small problem in the realm of problems, so maybe I should delete those last lines. maybe someone likes them???
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